How to Help Your Child’s Mental Wellbeing
Here in the U.K. primary schools and secondary schools are due to reopen between August and September, after an extended Summer holiday due to COVID-19. Usually Summer holidays consist of foreign holidays, camping trips, parties and family gatherings. This year was a bit different. Some children didn’t get to see their family members and friends until this month, the foreign holiday to Barcelona turned into a long weekend in Blackpool and some parties just never happened.
These are big events for children and, just like school, are key ways for getting them socialising, interacting and learning. So it’s no surprise that when YoungMinds (a U.K. Children’s Mental Health Charity) released their survey results, where it was found that 67% of parents were concerned about the long-term impact that COVID-19 will have on their child(ren)’s mental health (67% of 1,850+ participants.)
I’m not a parent, but I can understand their concerns. Children require stimulus, whether that’s interacting with others, learning or just playing inside or outside. Not everyone can afford the luxury of a tablet, smartphone or TV, the newest games consoles or internet for distance learning. Many children have been going without vital stimulus for the past 3 months, and it can be overwhelming for them to go back to a strict routine of that learning, interacting and socialising.
Mental Health Should Be Taught in School… But it Rarely is.
When I was at secondary school between 2009 and 2014, there wasn’t anything taught to us about Mental Health. We were educated about the importance of Physical Health, we had Sex Education, we spoke openly about Gender and Sexual Orientation, but we didn’t talk about Mental Wellbeing.
When it came to exam time, we were told that you wouldn’t be stressed unless you left all your studying to the last minute. You wouldn’t get stressed if you had paid attention in class. Severe anxiety was an ‘excuse’ to get out of presentations and if you didn’t eat and passed out in class, you were ‘more hassle than you are worth’ (I was told that on two occasions.)
In the U.K., it was announced that as part of the 2020 education curriculum, mental health and mental wellbeing would be included within health education classes. Children would be taught about stress, looking after their mental wellbeing as well as signs of common mental illness. (So, we’re talking anxiety, depression, eating disorders.) I find this odd. Mainly because symptoms of schizophrenia (including psychosis) commonly begin from the ages of 16 to 30. What age to we sit our exams? 16. But yes, let’s just educate the new generation about the common mental illnesses. Because that’s all that matters.
It’s debatable whether it is beneficial for children to learn signs and symptoms of mental illness; some may argue that it could help with early intervention and self-awareness, other’s would argue that it would encourage self-diagnosis and be more damaging in the long run. But we’re not here argue sides, because I could be here all day.
The good thing is that the government is aware that mental health awareness is important for children and young adults. How they’re choosing to educate and the information they’re choosing to include in the curriculum, can create a controversial discussion. It’s down to personal preference, just like some people are for and some people are against, Sexual Education.
Children and Teenagers Need to Look After Their Mental Wellbeing.
It might seem obvious, but some parents forget this. Yes, a teenager can be stroppy, yes, a child can throw a tantrum. In the world we are in today, children and teenagers are growing up fast, things are affecting them at a much younger age than that of 5 or 10 years ago.
As much as you may want to discourage them from having an hour on their games console, or staying at their friend’s house an extra hour one night, ask yourself: could this actually be beneficial rather than harmful? If it’s not like them to ask for it, it’s more than likely that they just want that extra time to relax or extra time to socialise. Children and young adults don’t reach for a glass of wine like we do after work, nor do they have a rant to their hairdresser during a cut and blow dry. They’ve got their own ways to cope that are different to us as adults, and as long as it’s not harmful, it’s probably doing them the world of good.
If your child/young adult is engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, encourage them to try something new. Explore different hobbies, groups or activities. There’s something out there for everyone, and although they might be stubborn in trying something new and scary, it’s better trying than giving up before you’ve even tried.
What You Can Do To Help Your Children
Tackle Stigma
Creating a healthy environment for your child/young adult is a great starting point. Educate yourself around the language to do with mental health so you aren’t using stereotypes and stigmatising terms or phrases. If you’re in the right with the language you use, you are more likely to encourage healthier attitudes towards mental health in your child (they learn from the best after all.)
If you hear your child saying “I’m so depressed,” speak to them about it. Are they sad or are they experiencing symptoms of depression? If they are generally sad, tell them that they are sad, but if it’s affecting their life and routine, they may be experiencing depression. It will reinforce the language they are using. Similarly to if your child said “Mum, I’m so bipolar, I’m happy then sad all the time.” Explore it. If they are experiencing severe mood swings, it may be worthwhile exploring this with a GP, but if they’ve been happy and their friend has cancelled on them, and now they’re sad: explain that they’re disappointed. It can be easy to not even bat and eyelid and let using these terms slide, but it’ll help in the long run if you educate them as they’re learning.
Model Healthy Habits
Like I’ve said before, many of us come home after a stressful day at work and crack open a beer or bottle of wine. Some of us are more guilty of doing it more often than others, and it doesn’t make you a terrible parent. You’re allowed to have a ‘blow-out’ per say, same as you’re allowed to come home from work and skip making a family dinner and order a take-away. There’s no harm for yourself. But you’ve got others looking up to you, miniature ‘you’ looking up at you to be exact.
Try to have a healthy coping mechanism that you can get your children involved in. Come home from work and when you’re children or partner ask “are you okay,” be honest: Say you had a rough day at work. But follow it with a positive action. “I had a rough day at work but I’m home now. We’re going to go on a walk through the park tonight.” You’re acknowledging that you’ve not had a good day, and you’re following it by doing two healthy things; socialising and exercising.
There is an endless list of healthy coping mechanisms that you could model to your children. From messaging or phoning a friend, colouring or painting, writing or walking, knitting or cooking. Get them involved in something you enjoy doing, or if they have their own healthy coping mechanism or habit, engage in it with them. Show interest, show it’s positive.
Have Open and Honest Communications (but respect they might not always want to talk)
Don’t sigh when your child/young adult rants or moans to you, don’t roll your eyes or show little attention. Listen. Quite frankly, if you don’t, they’ll not talk to you later down the line when something more serious happens. Show you’re there for them, set time aside to talk to them.
On the other hand, don’t force them to speak if they don’t want to. If they’re feeling sad or you’re worried about them, let them know you’ve noticed (it shows you care and are paying attention, which a lot of teenagers seem to think neither happen.) Offer them the opportunity to talk to you, but if they decline, just remind them your ears are always open. They might not be ready now, they might not ever speak to you about it. But the opportunity is there, and they’ll appreciate it all the same.
Engage with Support Services
This one’s a big one. If your child receives a support service for a mental health problem, support them, encourage them, be present and take interest. So many child/young adult services for mental wellbeing rely on family communication and contribution.
Don’t be offended if all information isn’t shared with you, especially if your child is 16 or over. Don’t get angry or upset that you’re not “trusted” enough to know certain information. Often, what’s discussed in activities or services, won’t benefit you. It won’t help you any, knowing every little detail that’s going on in your child’s head. If it’s important, you’ll know about it and be told about it. Even if you aren’t very involved with your child’s support service, the encouragement for them to go is enough.
Don’t Blame Yourself
It’s easy to think “I’ve done this.” Chances are, you haven’t. Mental Illness and Mental Health is so diverse, there’s not one-size-fits-all when it comes to the ‘trigger’ or underlying reason as to why it has come about. It can be because of biology, it can be because of genetics/family history, it can be from a trauma or life experience.
You have not failed being a parent if your child has a mental illness. Read that sentence again and again until you believe it. Even if you feel like you have had a negative impact on your child’s life, it’s never to late to change that. They’re your child forever, whether they are 3, 13 or 30.
YoungMinds have a great selection on Parent Resources for when it comes to talking to your child or young adult about their mental health, or supporting them through a mental health difficulty.
You Can Access their Parents section by clicking here.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy and stay positive. And remember, someone out there cares about you, so if you need help or feel like chatting, reach out.
Beth
